


Running up That Hill

by humanyubel



Category: Neon Genesis Evangelion
Genre: ? - Freeform, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Canon - Manga, First Crush, First Love, Gen, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Torture, M/M, Major character death - Freeform, One-Sided Relationship, Prose Poem, Unhappy Ending, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Love, maybe? - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-14
Updated: 2015-05-14
Packaged: 2018-03-30 11:16:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 498
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3934783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/humanyubel/pseuds/humanyubel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There's a<br/>thunder in our hearts</p>
            </blockquote>





	Running up That Hill

Maybe it was the way Toji apologized so full heartedly **  
**

He isn’t sure

It could be the way Toji always was in his space

                                                                               “Hey teach we gonna get ice cream? I’m payin’!” He doesn’t mention that Toji always pays, maybe Toji knew he knew.

It could be the way Toji blushed whenever the three of them would sit together under the shade of a tree after class and Kensuke would make short quips about how Toji should’ve been awake during class so he’d have someone to pass notes to. 

                                                                                 “Why should I stay awake in class when teach here will let me see his notes.” He’ll let himself be brought even closer to Toji then, Toji’s arm around his shoulder. 

                                                                           “Yeah sure…” Toji’s face gets red when they’re close like that, even if they’re just talking about homework. 

It could be how when they walk after school Toji will always carry Shinji’s backpack. 

                                                            _“Isn’t your ‘pack heavy enough?” Kensuke will tease._

                                                      _“Gotta build up the muscle!” Toji will reply._

Shinji stopped protesting after the fifth time. Toji was his friend after all.

He offered to make Toji a home made bento once and he could’ve sworn Toji’s face lit up like a Christmas tree.

                                                     “Really? Man thanks! I’m tired of getting my lunches from the cafeteria, sure they’re great but come on- it get’s boring some times!”

The next day at lunch he watches Toji dig in eagerly. He’s afraid Toji’s choked with how flushed his face is. He smiles anyways, asks if it’s good. 

He learns that he was the first person to ever make Toji a lunch. He’s glad he could do that for him.

Toji breaks down in front of him, cries and tells him how he’s scared. He’s so scared of what will happen with Eva. He cries into Shinji’s chest. 

He looks so defeated, Shinji feels dread in his stomach. Toji wasn’t like this, Toji was all sun smiles and flushed faces. He was laughter and friendship. He was strong. Toji expects him to know what to say. 

He doesn’t.

He isn’t sure how to define their friendship but he feels these memories have some importance

He’s screaming now

                                   “No! No! No! Don’t make me- dON’T!” It’s too late then, he can hear the crunch crunch of metal or what ever Eva is made of. He can feel Toji die in his hand. He wonders if Toji was aware of what was happening, if he had to watch, in a body that was no longer his, as his friend killed him. 

He hates his father. He hates his father for leaving him. He hates his father for never praising him. He hates his father for making him kill his friend with his own hands. 

                         “It should’ve been me.”

_He doesn’t know that in Toji’s apartment there’s still the poor attempts of making a homemade lunch for him. Everything in a crude heart shape. Maybe it’s a thank you._

He never finds out.

**Author's Note:**

> This is for Aster again. https://youtu.be/vN_67KMy9W0?list=PLMOtF1p3FB7yVC3RIdB-Ipakshc04T4Or Fic title and summary from this song since I listened to it while I wrote.


End file.
